C is for Civility

Civility the root word to civilization, is also the groundwork for a civilization to thrive. It's opposite is rudeness.
Civility is formal politeness and respect, according to Google. Merriam-Webster says it is "polite, reasonable, respectful behavior."

Civility is pretty rare these days. Most of the rising generation are mimicking TV and thinking up zingers rather than thinking of ways to be polite to others. People Troll on Facebook and YouTube just to click on dislike rather than just to let things alone. And they do worse. Basically bullying has become the new sport for a very many people.



Humor today is mostly crass. It includes farting humor, body humor, sex humor, and snarky comebacks. Respect seems to be deemed as old-fashioned. Making-fun rather than having-fun has become the norm.

However, I often wonder if civility is not the real difference between a barbarian and a civilized person.

Think about it.

A polite person asks kindly with 'please' and 'thank you'.

A thug demands with 'gimmie' and 'or else'.

I know, I sound a little extreme, but think about it. When was the last time you watched a comedy that was funny that did not have some kind of zinger or crude joke? And if you had, from what era was it? Was the humor ironic or sarcastic?

I think this is why I like watching old movies. These were intelligent comedies where you had to think to get the joke. Society was expected to rise up rather than the comedy lowering down.

I once saw the move "The Women" in the old black and white. Then I saw the remake. It is amazing to see the differences in behavior of these women. You can tell the heroine by who is civil and who is not. An example.



I had hoped to find the scene where the little girl proves to be more of a lady than the her new stepmother who had broken her parents' marriage. Unfortunately it wasn't available.

I think many people are noticing the depressing drop in civility in our society today. More people are calling for an increase in kindness. I'm posting their links below.

"The Civility Wars" The New Yorker
His site.
"The Meaning of Civility" from the University of Colorado
A civility forecast.
Civility Matters
Civility, Outrage
The Civility Campaign
The Civility Institute

Google it for more.

Civility is a virtue because treating others with respect is the first step towards true equality. Raising people up, not putting people down is what makes a society rise up. Lifting, not condemning. Supporting and helping, not crushing and defeating. The fact is, if you are zinging everyone, eventually no one will trust you not to zig them. You become dangerous as a conversationalist... among other things.

There is a saying I like:

"Kindness Begins with Me."

As for incivility.

Stop it.

B is for Benevolence

Benevolence - according to Wikipedia, it is good will or disposition to do good.
But Merriam-Webster's online dictionary says it is more than just a disposition. It is also an act of kindness or a generous gift.
The opposite of Benevolence is Malevolence. Malevolence is having ill will towards others, wishing others harm, injurious in general.

Whenever I look at these words, they don't just imply a way of thinking, but also a way of action and character.

That said, being benevolent is not just being good, but behaving in a manner that produces good.

So, for examples: Mother Theresa and Al Capone. 2 born Catholics. One benevolent. One malevolent.

Mother Theresa: Acted for the good of many, saving and inspiring lives.

Al Capone: Killed a lot of people for money and power.

This is why I never blame a religion for the actions of individual members. Both chose to either follow the tenants of their faith or to reject it. It is the tenants of the faith that I look at. If the tenants of a faith teach murder and hate, then I worry.

I think the key element of this virtue here is: what kind of legacy are you leaving behind?

Why is this a God-like trait? Lots of people love to blame the ills of the world on God. But they keep forgetting that everything they have comes from God. Food, air...life in general. The issue again is whether or not we comprehend the goodness (and I'd say extreme patience) God has.

Leaving a good legacy. This to me is Benevolence.

Alphabet of Virtues: A is for Altruism

Ok, the beginning of the Alphabet of Virtues.

According to Google, Altruism is "the belief in or practice of disinterested and selfless concern for the well-being of others."

But I think it is basically doing things that benefit others without expecting anything in return. It's opposite is selfishness.

Why is altruism a virtue?

In our modern age, society thinks giving without getting something in return is nuts. In fact, we tend to teach a "What's in it for me?" philosophy on a daily basis in TV and movies. Relationships are taught to be 50-50 rather than 100%-100%, which is the more healthy relationship.

Pro "What's in it for me?" Philosophy

I found this quote while looking for examples. Political novelist Ayn Rand said this:


(To be honest, I wonder what kind of civilization she is describing here. I've never read her books. But I do know Libertarians love them. Maybe I should start, just to get a point of reference. I'll report back later on my progress and my feelings about it.)

But just from this quote I have several objections.

First of all, to reject morality of any kind or sort is dangerous.

Second, it is a really cold philosophy. Especially for relationships.
I mean, good parents have to be altruistic. They must understand that they will probably never get anything in return. Love is not real love if waiting for some kind of product return. Parents who raise their children only so their children will take care of them in the future will probably end up being shocked or disappointed when old.
And as for a loving relationship between spouses, if you are only doing something to get something, your spouse will more likely feel used rather than loved.
And Friendships? You are only friends with someone you can get things from? Really?
But Ayn Rand was thinking about business. The problem with that is quoted in Charles Dickens' book, "A Christmas Carol" said by Jacob Marley: "Mankind was my business; charity, mercy, forbearance, and benevolence, were, all, my business. The deals of my trade were but a drop of water in the comprehensive ocean of my business!”

Think of all the people you have admired. Did you admire then because they wanted something from you and did all they could to get a certain result from you, or did you admire them for what they gave regardless of expectation?




Three people I admire have the trait of altruism:
Mother Theresa
Martin Luther King Jr.


Mother Theresa

George Washington

Mother Theresa was not a pop star. She was a nun. She wasn't gorgeous. She wasn't uber rich. She was poor. And she gave all her time to the benefit of others, especially the orphaned children of India. She did not do it with the expectation that these kids would one day set her up in a cushy retirement. She had no expectation of return at all. She did it because she believed it was right.

Martin Luther King Jr. (Picture above) was an activist, who yes, did have something to benefit if he succeeded. But the likelihood of him succeeding within his lifetime was an upward fight that he knew would more likely benefit the generations after him. His famous "I Have a Dream" speech was not about him becoming famous or beloved or rich. It wasn't about creating a following to set himself up as an icon. It was about freeing others from oppression. And in the later years he focused a great deal on helping the poor, something he wasn't at all.

George

 George Washington intrigues me the most. The man was born well-off. He had no children of his own, but raised the children of his wife (who had been a widow), and then their grandchildren. In the Revolutionary War, he led his troops against a superior enemy and did not give up. And when elected President of the United States of America (the only president to get 100% of the electoral college votes) he insisted on being called "Mr. President" rather than "Your Highness" which is what others wanted to call him. He refused to take on the large salary they offered him at first. He was also reluctant to take on a second term as president, and refused to serve a third. How many of our presidents today can say that? He disliked the formation of political parties, interference in other countries, and slavery. And though he had inherited slaves from his father, in his will he ordered them free. In fact, he even provided pension for the older ones and training for the young former slaves so they could have useful skills. To be honest, I think he is why I really like the name George.

Altruism doesn't usually draw attention. Most altruistic people are not famous and never will be. They usually do things without fanfare or media attention. And most altruism isn't in the huge acts, but the small and simple things. I think this is why the title Mother is so endearing to children. Moms are perhaps the most sacrificing without expectation of compensation. And why the word Nanny though fond, has some taint. It is why teachers like those in films such as Freedom Writers, are so beloved. She took on extra jobs to buy her students books that her school would not. I doubt she made a profit or became rich.



I don't feel as courageous as she was. But I'd like to be.

A is for Altruism.

Why Altruism is a godly trait.

God gave us EVERYTHING we have. People say God asks a lot from us, but God does not ask us to worship him because He needs it. He asks us to worship Him because WE need it. The act of worship is the act of betterment of our lives in becoming more godly.

Jesus Christ did not suffer and die then resurrect to show off how cool and powerful He is. He suffered for us so we could become clean as He is clean. He died and resurrected so we could also be resurrected. He gets nothing from us.

A is for Altruism.

Alphabet of Virtues - Starting with P?

"Patience is a virtue."
My mother used to say this to me all the time. The funny thing was, I understood the meaning of the word patience. I just had no clue what a virtue was.
So, let's google this word and see what the internet comes up with, shall we?

According to Google, it is "Behavior showing high moral standards."

Going down the list to Wikipedia, it reads: "A virtue is a positive trait or quality deemed to be morally good and thus is valued as a foundation of principle and good moral being.
Personal virtues are characteristics valued as promoting collective and individual greatness. The opposite of virtue is vice."

And apparently the Catholic church has a more specific distinction about virtue, listing Seven Heavenly Virtues.

Ok...but what determines if something really is a virtue? I mean, according to Relativism, there is no absolute truth, but concepts of right and wrong are based off of culture.

So let's look at the definitions for virtue again and analyze their points of reference.

First Google's definition. This is behavior showing high moral standards. What is a standard? And what are morals? You see, whenever you define something, each word using to define it has meaning which implies something else.

A standard, defined by Merriam-Webster's online dictionary, is a good number of things (paraphrased):

1  A conspicuous object (as a banner) formerly carried at the top of a pole and used to mark a rallying point especially in battle or to serve as an emblem

2.  Something established by authority, custom, or general consent as a model or example :  criterion <quite slow by today's standards>

 

3.  Something set up and established by authority as a rule for the measure of quantity, weight, extent, value, or quality

 

4.  A structure built for or serving as a base or support, such as  a shrub or herb grown with an erect main stem so that it forms or resembles a tree

 

5. A musical composition (as a song) that has become a part of the standard repertoire

 

If you look at all the definitions of standard, they all contain one common element. That the item is usually something looked to as an accepted reference point. Like a flag, you look to it to rally the forces and avoid chaos on the battlefield. Like standards of measurements, we follow them to avoid chaos and make things fair. As a base of support in plants, it strengthens and organizes the plant to grow better. And even with the music, it creates a familiar, common thing which all can join in and recognize. All of these indicate a common source to either look to or follow. So it can be safely said, a standard, no matter what type, gives the group a rallying point to follow.

 

Moral, according to Google is "concerned with the principles of right and wrong behavior and the goodness or badness of human character."

 

Morality, according to Wikipedia, is "is the differentiation of intentions, decisions, and actions between those that are "good" (or right) and those that are "bad" (or wrong). Morality can be a body of standards or principles derived from a code of conduct from a particular philosophy, religion, culture, etc., or it can derive from a standard that a person believes should be universal. Morality may also be specifically synonymous with "goodness" or "rightness." Immorality is the active opposition to morality (i.e. opposition to that which is good or right), while amorality is variously defined as an unawareness of, indifference toward, or disbelief in any set of moral standards or principles."

 

Notice it mentions how it is derived from a "body of standards or principles" that are part of a "code of conduct" from a particular philosophy, religion, or culture. To be clear, it means, according to Wikipedia, Morality is relative to the source in which you base it on. 

 

So, this is where you have to ask, is there Ultimate Truth? Or are all things relative? Are there virtues? Or is that just a cultural norm, a construct to make us feel superior to others?

 

Here's what I think.

 

A virtue is a trait that improves upon the quality of human life.

A vice is a trait that damages the quality of human life.

 

Patience is a virtue in that it helps us endure the boring times. It also helps us not to get angry so much, as while being patient we have time to see more points of view, more time to think about the consequences of our actions, and more time to understand the circumstances. Patience rewards hard work, and is often coupled with persistence and growth. Patience is a friend of time. It is also kind to others.

 

The vice opposite of patience? Impatience, of course. Impatient people are impossible to live with. They get angry fast. They are cranky, often unhappy, complain all the time, and often jump to conclusions. Impatient people are often unkind.

 

Virtues benefit human life. Vices harm it.

 

Here's an added dimension to my POV. Virtues are Godly traits. They are the traits that make us more like God...the perfect example of patience.

 

Agree? Disagree? Indifferent?

 

I'll be starting on A next. I just have to think of an A virtue. Hmmmm.....

Accepting 'No' for an answer--Free Will Part II

I never could understand why people thought it was acceptable to say to someone else, "I won't take 'no' for an answer." To me it is the same as saying, "I have the right to (whatever) but you don't."

Let me elaborate. I believe in not just my free will, but the free will of others. This means, if someone says 'no' to me, I must accept it and go on with life. This means I cannot always get what I want, another fact of Free Will that people don't quite comprehend or like. Accepting another person's 'No' is in many ways the first step to respecting other people.

This has been bugging me lately because I have this roommate who thinks she is being sociable by offering me these ice cream bars at night, and I don't want any. She gets this offended look on her face every time I say 'no'. She keeps telling me she will set aside it for me for later. But I don't want it for later either. I just don't want it.

I know, you might be thinking..."It's just an ice cream. What's the big deal?" Simple. I don't want any.
And then the argument ensues, repeating the statement "It's just a (insert item here)." then adding, "Isn't your relationship with your roommate more important?"

This implies that in order to make everyone happy I have to do what my roommate wants. But look at the question above again. What if the item were alcohol and I am 12? Or what if the item was crystal meth? Or if it was pork, and I was Jewish? Or let's turn it back into ice cream and quite possibly I am avoiding sugar...which is the case here. Am I really obliged to break with my conscience just to please another person?

Even then, what if the item was not forbidden to me and I simply did not want it? Am I obliged to always take when others want me to take something?

You might ask, "What if the thing is good for you? What if they are only looking out for your well being? What if this is an intervention?"

I think there are fundamentally only a few instances where another person's free will can be lawfully infringed upon.

• Their free will is leading them to harming others. Thus to end the harm, you take action to stop the bad behavior.
• They are not acting with a sane or clear mind....and have lost self-control. (You had better have clear proof of this, rather than a presumption based on a difference of opinion).
• You are a parent training a child that is too young to see the consequences of their actions and must protect them from physical harm.

But cultural customs to satisfy the other person to placate their sense of friendliness is something I think ought to be regaled to individual choice.  That is to say, if someone is rude in saying 'no'...that is  their manner of rejection is rude then you can say they are being unfriendly. But if they are polite as they say 'no' then they are being friendly. But 'no' still means no.

Still think I am being silly?

Let's expand on this. What if a girl says "no" to a boy? Is it the boy's job to convince her to do what he wants to do? Or is it the boy's job to respect her wishes? This is the issue of rape, in case you are wondering.

Now you are thinking I am taking things to the extreme. But really, am I? How many of us live our lives compromising things we never wanted to give up? Or have made choices because we were going along with the crowd? Is it really a good thing to placate the people around us rather than think for ourselves? Free will, you see, is about deciding our own futures rather than just going with the flow. It is often uncomfortable.

Now here is another thing about accepting 'no' as an answer, and why it is a good thing. You, the person having 'no' said to you learn several things. The first is that the world does not revolve around your desires. Second, that respecting others' feelings generates respect from others. You become more trusted. Accepting 'no' from people makes it easier to accept 'no' from God... which happens. It builds humility and makes you more teachable. And that makes you wiser.

'No' is not a bad word. In fact, it is a very good word that prevents much harm. It is also a concise answer, no waffling. Of course, said too much it can be oppressive. But too much of anything can smother. A glass of water is great. A tsunami is not.

So when I say 'no', I mean it. It also makes that 'yes' more significant when it is said.

Free Will

This is not the same as Free Willy.... No whales involved.
Free Will is sometimes called Agency. And some people like to combine both phrases into "Free Agency". But what does this all mean?

Some people define Free Will to mean you can do whatever you want.

Others define Free Will as freedom from compulsion... that is, no one will make you be good, you have to choose it for yourself. 

I think when people talk about Agency, the ability to choose your own path, some get wrapped up in the whole 'my choice' thing rather than it is a path you are choosing. Paths lead somewhere. They have destinations. End results.

Free Will is not a free for all, as some people like to think. It has...dun dun dun.... consequences.

I know. Scary word.

Children and immature adults hate this word. It basically says that with the freedom to choose, you take the consequences that come after those choices.

I had this entirely awesome third grade teacher who taught this concept very well  (I really appreciate him for doing this too, since it has led me to avoid some disastrous situations since). He taught cause and effect. Let's try it now, shall we?

Cause: You stick a fork in a wall socket.
Effect: You get electrocuted.

Cause: You follow the directions on a cake mix box.
Effect: You get a perfectly made cake.

Cause: You ignore the instructions to your pill bottles.
Effect: You overdose, get really sick and probably have to go to the hospital.

Cause: You lie to your family and friends.
Effect: Your family and friends no longer trust you.

Cause: You give a thoughtful gift to someone you love.
Effect: That gift makes the someone you love happy.

Cause: You laugh at and tease and talk about other people.
Effect: People around you don't trust you to do the same to them, and you lose friends.

Cause: You plant seeds in the proper season and care for them.
Effect: You reap the benefits of your hard work and produce food.

This concept is also called the Law of the Harvest or "You reap what you sow."

Now, in my religious denomination we believe there was a war in Heaven and that the Adversary was already defeated. God won. And what is going on in our life is not God fighting for our souls, but us choosing which side we want to be on. We are choosing to be on the side of God (who has already won), or the side of the devil (who has lost and will perpetually lose...and wishes to drag us down with him).

For example, free agents in sports are basically athletes who are open for hire to be on any team that wants them. They negotiate contracts with their future employers and then work for them. In a way, this is also how Free Will works. You choose the team you are on.

So, when you make a choice, remember, with every choice you make, you are also choosing the end result.

Why Do We Have Struggles in Life?

I found this thing on YouTube that sums up how I feel about the purpose of trials in life. 
So I'll let her say it.



Worth thinking about.

Her husband's POV on God. I love what he says. He is so human.