Accepting 'No' for an answer--Free Will Part II

I never could understand why people thought it was acceptable to say to someone else, "I won't take 'no' for an answer." To me it is the same as saying, "I have the right to (whatever) but you don't."

Let me elaborate. I believe in not just my free will, but the free will of others. This means, if someone says 'no' to me, I must accept it and go on with life. This means I cannot always get what I want, another fact of Free Will that people don't quite comprehend or like. Accepting another person's 'No' is in many ways the first step to respecting other people.

This has been bugging me lately because I have this roommate who thinks she is being sociable by offering me these ice cream bars at night, and I don't want any. She gets this offended look on her face every time I say 'no'. She keeps telling me she will set aside it for me for later. But I don't want it for later either. I just don't want it.

I know, you might be thinking..."It's just an ice cream. What's the big deal?" Simple. I don't want any.
And then the argument ensues, repeating the statement "It's just a (insert item here)." then adding, "Isn't your relationship with your roommate more important?"

This implies that in order to make everyone happy I have to do what my roommate wants. But look at the question above again. What if the item were alcohol and I am 12? Or what if the item was crystal meth? Or if it was pork, and I was Jewish? Or let's turn it back into ice cream and quite possibly I am avoiding sugar...which is the case here. Am I really obliged to break with my conscience just to please another person?

Even then, what if the item was not forbidden to me and I simply did not want it? Am I obliged to always take when others want me to take something?

You might ask, "What if the thing is good for you? What if they are only looking out for your well being? What if this is an intervention?"

I think there are fundamentally only a few instances where another person's free will can be lawfully infringed upon.

• Their free will is leading them to harming others. Thus to end the harm, you take action to stop the bad behavior.
• They are not acting with a sane or clear mind....and have lost self-control. (You had better have clear proof of this, rather than a presumption based on a difference of opinion).
• You are a parent training a child that is too young to see the consequences of their actions and must protect them from physical harm.

But cultural customs to satisfy the other person to placate their sense of friendliness is something I think ought to be regaled to individual choice.  That is to say, if someone is rude in saying 'no'...that is  their manner of rejection is rude then you can say they are being unfriendly. But if they are polite as they say 'no' then they are being friendly. But 'no' still means no.

Still think I am being silly?

Let's expand on this. What if a girl says "no" to a boy? Is it the boy's job to convince her to do what he wants to do? Or is it the boy's job to respect her wishes? This is the issue of rape, in case you are wondering.

Now you are thinking I am taking things to the extreme. But really, am I? How many of us live our lives compromising things we never wanted to give up? Or have made choices because we were going along with the crowd? Is it really a good thing to placate the people around us rather than think for ourselves? Free will, you see, is about deciding our own futures rather than just going with the flow. It is often uncomfortable.

Now here is another thing about accepting 'no' as an answer, and why it is a good thing. You, the person having 'no' said to you learn several things. The first is that the world does not revolve around your desires. Second, that respecting others' feelings generates respect from others. You become more trusted. Accepting 'no' from people makes it easier to accept 'no' from God... which happens. It builds humility and makes you more teachable. And that makes you wiser.

'No' is not a bad word. In fact, it is a very good word that prevents much harm. It is also a concise answer, no waffling. Of course, said too much it can be oppressive. But too much of anything can smother. A glass of water is great. A tsunami is not.

So when I say 'no', I mean it. It also makes that 'yes' more significant when it is said.