M is for Modest

I think there is a lot of controversy over the meaning of the word Modest. In our modern age, it is highly misunderstood. Most days people are talking about dressing in a manner that does not arouse sexual feelings in others...but that really isn't what modesty is. Modesty is behaving in a manner that is not attention-getting. Basically, the opposite of Modest is Attention-Seeking.

"Modesty can simply mean avoiding the extremes in language, dress and behavior," according to eHow.com. And according to eHow.com, modesty has four types: Attitude, Behavior, Dress and Grooming, and Language. I like their categories. They say a modest attitude is the opposite of Pride.

In our day and age, society has become so full of attention-seekers. We want to be seen. We have YouTube (which isn't an altogether bad thing), selfies, and photo-bombing. When I was a kid, we always glared at the one child who would jump into a photo and destroy picture with their Look-at-me! I'm most important here, behavior. Ball-hogs and show-boaters were disdained. It was called 'tooting your own horn.'

A modest person does not brag. Ever.
Mrs. Elton is an example of an immodest woman. Not in dress. But she is immodest in manner. Rude, loud, abrupt, and without proper manners.

Now I know some people might find this archaic, as this is the Pre-Victorian era. But if we are to talk about Modesty, we need to separate clothing from manner.

Modest behavior is the difference between being polite and rude. It is not being trodden underfoot by others, but not treating others badly either.

Modesty in Dress and Gooming is more about being clean without all the extemporaneous jewelry, tattoos, or extreme hair styles. It is about being well-cared for. The kind of clothes that don't shout out at people.

Now I love crazy T-shirts. Yet at the same time, they are without a doubt immodest in that they draw attention. But think about. If you put writing across a woman's breasts, that is where people will stare. If you put it across her butt, same thing. It says, LOOK AT MY BUTT!!!!

Same with dying hair. I used to think it'd be awesome to have blue hair. And large earrings. And what about too much make up? Basically, being tacky is not being modest.

The fact is, what you wear says something about you. It sends a message. Let's post a few messages clothing sends.



 

says 'go away.'

says 'Listen to me.'

says, "Quirky with attitude"



Says "just your average Joe"
(even though Vince Vaugh isn't)

So let's talk about modesty in clothing now, since it will come up. I took a fashion merchandising course when I was in high school, as I was considering a carrier (briefly) in fashion design. The fact is, I love fabric, and making things - especially costumes. I soon realized that costume design was more up my alley, and fashion design most certainly wasn't. Mostly, I hated the merchandising part of it. Money annoys me. Handling it especially. And Marketing...ugh. It made me feel like a prostitute. Because marketing is all about selling one's product, and often oneself. There is a lot of 'horn tooting' in this case. But one of the things I took away from the course was that regardless of what people say about being able to wear anything, clothing design has many purposes. For example, ever wonder why the women on the red carpet always wear clothes that barely cover them at all, while the men wear these fully-covering 3-piece suits? Why not the men wear next to nothing at all and the women wear 3-piece suits? There is an emotional reaction and social reaction to what you wear. That is a fact.

Notice in this video the message they are trying to share. However, the men are still more dressed? Why? The double standard really bugs me.


That aside, fashion itself, has purposeful design. All design requires an element of visual flow - that is where it leads your eye to go. This is done in advertising, in designing and arranging furniture in a home, in famous artworks, and also in clothing. Lots of design in clothing gears to make the wearer look stronger, thinner, or (and people know this) sexier. Just like the Islamic clothing for women is make to make them look formless, the opposite exists to make people look at cleavage, at butts, and at other body parts.

Let's take the power suit first and compare it to Don Juan (via Johnny Depp *sigh*).

 

Ok. Both are wearing V necks. One is more covered than the other. The guy in the power suit with the tie is dressed so you look at his face. The other guy... well, his chest is where the eye is drawn.

Let's do women now. These are all business suits in varying degrees of V-neck. And the last one just sexy woman.
  
 Where is your eye drawn? Be honest. The more open the shirt gets, the more your eyes are talking to her breasts. Is it no wonder women don't get as much respect in the work place when choosing a Don Juan way of dressing?

And lastly... Language.
Modest language, besides not bragging, is without expletives. That is to say, no cursing because it is like dropping a dirty diaper in the middle of a dinner table. I know using words that have strong references to violent sexual acts, excrement, and sexual body parts is becoming more and more the norm. . . But really... is it necessary? When I was a kid, I had a teacher who said that person who swears has a really low vocabulary. There is a plentiful supply of descriptive words in the English language that would work much better.

A perfect example to leave you with...


But it isn't just not swearing that makes modest language. It is language without loudness. It is speaking in a manner that is respectful (see the example from Emma again). Respect is a trait that is also sadly lost in mainstream society and film. I guess people think it is funnier to be rude and immodest. But it is sad and uncivil. And in being uncivil...civilization crumbles.

M is for Modest.