Saturday, August 22, 2015

Hard-working VS Career-centric


Why do we work?

What is the point of work?

What does it mean to be hard working?

And why do I think being career-centric is a counterfeit to being hard-working?

I'll tell you.

Ages ago, I took courses in anthropology. I found the study of human society fascinating, mostly because 1) scientists/anthropologists keep changing their conclusions to new theories all the time 2) anthropology is linked to archaeology, which is just plain awesome (I like old ruins and artifacts. Proof that people were not ignorant louts in the past, as some assume). And while studying, we focused on the different societies and what made them thrive. One of the things I noticed while studying hunter-gatherer societies (besides that gathering was in fact more important than hunting -- something I had never thought of before) is that the core, or origin of all societies is the family. Now, I'm not saying the nuclear family. That is a modern invention, created when travel became a great deal easier, and so moving was easier to do. I'm talking about multi-generational families. Communities where grandparents (that were still alive) stayed with their children, often helped take care of them. Communities where cousins played together. This was the village that raised the child -- which is markedly different from a government taking over the raising of children.

work, work, work

Governments started, originally, as families that had gained power over other families within a community, either through warfare or simply great abundance/wealth. This is what kings and lords are. If you read the Bible, you can see this kind of thing happening within the history of the Israelites. For example, Abraham came from the city of Ur of the Chaldeans (somewhere in Mesopotamia). But he set off independently with his family and ended up a powerful man with flocks and herds. His descendants branched off, creating enormous nations...each who claim (even today) to be the rightful heirs of Abraham (The Israelites are one of these descendants of Abraham, of the family of Jacob, who was the son of Isaac, who was the son of Sarah and Abraham. Whereas there are descendants of Ishmael, the son of Hagar and Abraham out in the Middle-East, who don't like the Israelites' claim to their birthright. Or the others who have similar claims, such as sons of Esau, the elder brother of Jacob). It all started out as a family.

And work, it started with the sole purpose to provide for the family's survival. Everyone worked. Not just fathers and mothers. Children also. Work was done for survival. People worked because if you didn't work, you had nothing. Money only became a factor when barter and trade became difficult, and a representative method of exchange was necessary.

Now, the formation of career came with the movement of populations into cities, mostly. The need to specialize for survival created the formation of guilds. Specialization is what created our work situation today. It created industry and the demand for more items faster.

So, why do we work? Honestly, I do it for the same reason our progenitors did--for survival. A lot of people with 'jobs' are like this. Work is work, in this case. Any old job will do as long as it puts food on the table.

But not everyone works for the same reason I do. Some people work for status. Some people work for a sense of purpose. Some people work for a sense of identity. Some people work for a sense of fulfillment... none of which have to do with physical survival.

Now, the word Career is not one I like. Not because having a career or being dedicated to a career is bad. But rather sometime people become so absorbed in career they forget what life is all about.

And what is life all about? Scroll back up to the top and re-read why people originally worked.

Human survival, real survival, is not done singularly. It isn't about the one versus the world. But in our modern age, society has become more singular. People are more focused on ME rather than US. So when the concept of work comes into play, so to speak, it isn't just about choosing a skill we are good at or enjoy for the sake of making work more pleasant, but it is more about finding fulfillment within the status and importance we feel while in a career. Basically, we've lost the reason for why work exists in the first place.

This is not to say you should not enjoy your job. Nor is this to say that you should not put forth time and effort into your chosen field of work. But when your job becomes you identity, you have lost focus on what is most important.

Have you ever known someone who has lost their sense of identity when they have lost their job? Or who, when their job has become obsolete, cannot cope? How about people who see themselves as their job entirely?



This phenomena is so common, that they have to make books like Who Moved My Cheese? to help people with career changes.

Working hard is what we as people ought to be, for the benefit of our families, ourselves, and society. However, becoming so focused on career that you lose sight of family and society... that is dangerous. When more people focus on their career, and not on the reason why such products exist in the first place, we have basically fallen into idol worship.

The movie, The Family Man shows this mentality really well. Nicholas Cage's character-- a career centric mogul-- was given a chance to see what his life would have been like if he had married his girlfriend. At first, he hated the life he would have had...because of what he valued the most. Prestige.




But later he comes to realize the most important things in the world aren't things.



The point is, why you work matters. Not just how hard.

This is why being career centric is a counterfeit to being hard working.
I'd say more, but basically, it is the difference between being selfish and selfless.

Saturday, August 8, 2015

What is Freedom? Anarchy? Permissiveness? Or Something Else?


"...No practical definition of freedom would be completely without the freedom to take the consequences. Instead, it is the freedom upon which all others are based."
-Terry Pratchett from Going Postal-

What is Freedom?

When I was a kid, I used to think freedom meant being able to do anything I wanted when I wanted it. This kid view is, of course, incredibly ignorant. Kids, you see, never feel the weight of their choices... mostly because their parents tend to handle the consequences - as most consequences are too weighty for their children to handle.

So, what is Freedom?

I like reading Terry Pratchett books. He writes witty satire in a fantasy setting. One of my favorites is this novel called Going Postal, which is about a con man by the name of Moist von Lipwig (said with a German v) who was inadvertently caught and hung within an inch of his life before being given a job as the next Postmaster General of Ankh-Morpork (He's one of my favorite characters in the series aside from the chief of police Commander Grimes). The city-state of Ankh-Morpork is in a quasi-Medieval/Victorian state, with magic and lots and lots of chaos. It isn't quite in a state of anarchy, because the supreme leader of Ankh-Morpork, the Patrician,  Lord Vetenari rules as a tyrant. That said, he is probably the most fair tyrant in writing history.

Why do I mention this? Because Freedom is often addressed in his novels as something people really don't comprehend. Or as he puts it:

"No sane mortal is truly free, because true freedom is so terrible that only the mad or the divine can face it with open eyes. It overwhelms the soul very much like the state he elsewhere describes as Vonallesvolkmmenunvertstandichasaskat." p. 81 Going Postal

Why, you might ask, does he say that?

Well, for starters, he is a satirist. He has to say things in funny, yet ironic ways. But, secondly, it is because true freedom always comes with responsibility.

Yeah. Kids don't like responsibility.

Neither do people who don't want to grow up.

But in the media today, freedom is being presented either as anarchy (acting and living outside the bounds of rules and regulations, letting chaos ensue) or permissiveness (doing whatever pleases you, forget the consequences). You can see this in in extreme forms in films such as Mad Max (anarchy) or in practically any love story (permissiveness). Problem with these presentations of freedom is that none of these are actually conducive to a healthy and stable society. Real freedom is always attached to accountability.


True freedom includes the freedom to fail.
I think this is best exemplified in the movie The Hudsucker Proxy.


 
As I said in a previous blog, the counterfeits to Freedom are Permissiveness and Anarchy. They are counterfeits because they feel like Freedom, but in the end they are destructive.

Let's start with Anarchy.  


This is the popular symbol
Anarchy (in its original definition) is a society that basically does not recognize authority... of any kind. It is akin to lawlessness.

That means no police. No presidents. No mayors. No teachers. No parents. No rules.

To a kid, this sounds great. But what would the world be like without any leadership or authority or rules?

Ever hear of Lord of the Flies?

Anarchy generally leads to chaos.

Don't believe it? Let me explain it another way. Great structures, such as the Sistine Chapel, require foremen who make sure things are constructed right. Someone with authority who can see the big picture needs to be in charge to direct the work. People may get together with a really great idea, but someone has to be the mastermind and direct the others so that the work is coordinated - so that the structure is built right and in the correct order. Otherwise you get chaos and a really lousy end result. This means people taking orders, and yes, getting corrected (if not fired) by the foreman in charge.

Fact is, human cooperation often requires setting aside ones own wants and desires for a greater good. Not everyone enjoys it, but this is a fact of life.

Here is another way to explain why anarchy is not good or helpful. If you want to built a house, you need to do things in order. If you want to bake a cake, you need to do it with the right ingredients. I recently learned that the ingredients in shaving cream and in toothpaste are almost exactly the same things. They are just put together in a different order.

So why is Permissiveness NOT freedom?

Truthfully, permissiveness actually leads to private enslavement. The moral rules that govern civilized society are actually set up to protect us from personal harm...either for now or later. For example:

Permissive sex may lead to: the spread of venereal disease, pregnancy, distrust with your current partners, and an inability to have long-lasting relationships.

Permissiveness within a family (no family rules) may lead to laziness, which leads to lack of initiative to study, which may lead to dropping out of school, which may lead to failing to launch as an adult. The need for boundaries for children is actually very important for their growth. People need to know when to stop.

Permissiveness is what leads to addiction. You try everything, you experiment, and you get hooked...especially if you let these new thrills replace healthier activities. And addiction is the worst slavery of all.

But Permissiveness is really popular in society today. The philosophy is: "If it feels good, do it." Problem with that is there are lots of things that initially feel great but can hurt you later.

There was this story told to me a while ago that illustrates the concept of the different between freedom of choice and permissiveness:

Yep. These signs do exist.
Imagine you are walking along a beach. You are all geared up to go swimming in the ocean (something I really love) but when you get to this one spot you see a sign that says: Danger Whirlpool, No Swimming. Now, you have several choices before you. You can A, ignore the sign and go swimming anyway. Or B, do something else.  Lots of people tend to focus on A... saying "They can't tell me what to do!" and all that. But there are so many options with B. You can pick up sea shells. Make a sand castle. Take a walk along the beach. Or you could go find a different spot. But people who don't like being told what to do, fixating on the NO and defying it might find themselves metaphorically swimming in dangerous waters which could suck them down to the bottom of the sea to be food for fishes. Just saying, there are 'NO's for a reason.

The thing is, true Freedom requires using your brain. It requires looking down the road at the consequences of choices, and choosing the best end...even if it puts an unpleasant choice in front of you that you have to do. True Freedom also includes respecting the freedoms of others.

Freedom isn't about getting everything you want.

Freedom is the ability to act for yourself according to your own conscience without force or restraint, knowing full well that you will carry the consequences of your own choices. It is grown up responsibility, and not a free-for-all.

Saturday, August 1, 2015

Love vs. Lust

I've been busy recently, so I haven't had time to update this blog....

But here we go.

Love or Lust?
What is Love? And what is Lust?

When people think of Love, then tend to think of this stereotype:





Love actually has been dissected and renamed a billion times over. I mean, the Beatles declared: "All you need is Love!" Then their generation screamed; "Make Love not War!" The question is, are they talking about the same Love? Or something else entirely?

The Greeks actually had 4 types of Love:

Agape: which is unconditional love. This love is not about attraction or even if you like the way the person behaves. This love is the kind that gives, expecting nothing in return. It isn't even romantic, but more about service and acceptance of a person for who they are. This is Love as a verb. It is a choice and active. It also commits with loyalty.

Philia: This is platonic love. Platonic love is akin to friendship. It is warm, kind and committed. It is nurtured by commonality. It is also chosen.

Storge: This is familial love, or the kind of love parents have for children (and well-adjusted brothers and sisters have for one another). It is committed and like agape, and sacrifices self for others.

Eros: This is romantic love. This is the 'in love' feeling people tend to think they must have for a relationship. It is also more selfish of a love, as it asks, "What's in it for me?" This one is hormonal and, yes, sexually based.

But there are other definitions of Love out there.

One site lists 2 more:

Ludus: which is game-playing, or uncommitted love. It is the kind of love Greek Gods messed with, I'm afraid. This is the kind of person who seeks conquest...the focus being all lust.

Mania: And obsessive, possessive love. This is the kind of so-called love that leads to stalking. This is Sting's "Every Breath You Take" down to the freaky idea.

And two more from another site:

Pragma: Described as long-standing love. This is the love in long-term married couples. It has the weight of time set to it, with a longer bond.

Philautia: Love of the self. Not to be mistaken with Narcissism. More like self-compassion, according to the site.

So, anyway, what does this have to do with Love vs. Lust?

One simple question....

Why the blazes are we following the Greeks?



I know. I know. Silly protest.

But really, isn't the world full of smart people from lots of different nations? The world is a big place.

And for that matter, were the Greeks even right? I mean, people today follow this because the Greeks did identify patterns which made some sense. But believing something simply because we always have believed it isn't the most intelligent thing to do.

So, this is what I think.

Love, real love, is about giving. It is about helping. It is about nurturing and caring. It is about all that is good and right with the world. It is about growth and happiness. Love is patient. Love takes its time to see and learn. Love is kind. Love seeks to improve. Love gives freedom. Love can be personified in the song: "Where Love is, There God is Also". It is described best in the Bible scripture 1 Corinthians in chapter 13.

Lust is about taking. It is selfish. It is about gratification at whatever cost. Lust is almost manic. Like an addiction. It is impatient, and demanding. It says "show me",  "prove to me", "What about me?" Me. Me. Me. It is combative. It is controlling. Lust ignores the feelings of others. Lust is violent, demanding, and in the end, destructive. It is personified in most songs today. But the concept isn't new. I mean, how many 80's songs are focused on lust? "I Think We're Alone Now" is a good example. There are others more blatant: "If You Want My Body", "Rump Shaker", and "Any Way You Want It."

And how many love songs say that Love is like war? For example: "Love is a Battlefield".

And what about this oldie? "Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow?"
Is this really about love, or the word Love used to get sex from someone?

Love is not about what turns you on. That's Lust.



So, if you want to know if your relationship is based off of Love or Lust, ask yourself the following:

"Do I have to prove my love to my significant other?"

"Am I pressured to go against my conscience by my significant other?"

"Are we just in it for fun?"

 If Yes, then it is NOT love. It is Lust.





Love requires accepting people for who they are. If you have to prove yourself, then...well... you are being used.




Ok, Next Question:

"Do I strive to be a better person when I am with my significant other?"

"Do I wish to give my 100% to my significant other, even though I know I may never get anything in return?"

"Do I allow my significant other the freedom to control their own lives and choices?"

If Yes, then it is real love. Real love lifts up and is not controlling.



Love is risk. It is vulnerable. It also makes no demands, but goes to work with the best intentions. It also requires personal sacrifice and commitment, which you choose to do. Love is a bit like a dance, awkward and goofy sometimes. Graceful and beautiful at other times.

This clip shows different views on love and relationships. I like the awkwardness of it. Especially the respect in it. But the phrase: "Love is a leap" sticks out to me.


Unfortunately, in a world that sexualizes everything, it has become hard for many of us to tell the difference between real love and lust. This is why there is so much divorce in the world. People seek pleasure and satisfaction for themselves and are not seeking the benefit of the one they have become infatuated with.

Fact is, true love takes selfless effort. And in our self-centered world, it seems like a fairytale, just like Meg Ryan's character says.



But I think anything real takes selfless effort.

The Greeks may have had some things right. I think there is nothing wrong with Eros as long as Agape is present. And, if you notice that 5 out of the 7 listed kinds of loves focus on kindness and gentleness.

But Eros with Ludus or Mania is downright scary. That is Lust. Not Love. That is the counterfeit.

I think the best test of love is this: "Will it last?"

Real love takes effort, and lasts because it is a contentious choice. It is NOT something you fall into. It is made by willing participants who, when upon seeing more and learning more about their significant others, are willing to see less. They are also willing to care less about the petty differences, petty wants, and petty arguments. And they are more willing to forgive and improve self before making demands on others.

Ok, one last thing....

As for sex... I once heard this analogy in a college course on healthy loving relationships I once attended:

Sex is like the whipped topping on top of the ice cream sundae of a happy marriage. That said, an ice cream sundae made only of whipped topping is fluff...and kinda gross. Likewise with relationships. All the really good stuff is missing. So, in a way, Love is the ice cream, spiced up with chocolate of personal intimacy (such as really knowing someone rather than just their body), the nuts of daily practical life, with the caramel of sweet weirdness (or what have you... I like weirdness), and the strawberry topping of stick-to-it-iveness. You can add a banana for your health, if you want.

The point is, we, as a people, need to stop thinking about "Satisfy ME, ME, ME!!!", and start asking ourselves, "Am I willing to change myself for the better to make my relationships healthy?" And "Am I willing to wait for a person who will respect me as a human being?"